Thursday, November 26, 2009
Introduction
No, we don’t like Twilight.
Yes, we’ve seen both movies, we’ve read all the books, and we’ve even perused a few interviews. And we still hate Twilight.
And no, we don’t secretly love Twilight. We’re not masking our love of it with false disdain to save our intellectual pride. We actually dislike it.
It’s not about “literature” or intellectual reading. We understand reading something light and sexy for pleasure. It’s not about us being bitter and angry, so we want to ruin your fun. And we’re not assuming that you’re stupid, squealing teens or under sexed house-wives.
So, having got the most common rebuttals out of the way – why do we hate Twilight, and why write this Zine?
Well, from the content within, we hope to make it pretty clear why we hate Twilight. And why you should think twice about it too.
-- Lex, Melissa and Zoya
Yes, we’ve seen both movies, we’ve read all the books, and we’ve even perused a few interviews. And we still hate Twilight.
And no, we don’t secretly love Twilight. We’re not masking our love of it with false disdain to save our intellectual pride. We actually dislike it.
It’s not about “literature” or intellectual reading. We understand reading something light and sexy for pleasure. It’s not about us being bitter and angry, so we want to ruin your fun. And we’re not assuming that you’re stupid, squealing teens or under sexed house-wives.
So, having got the most common rebuttals out of the way – why do we hate Twilight, and why write this Zine?
Well, from the content within, we hope to make it pretty clear why we hate Twilight. And why you should think twice about it too.
-- Lex, Melissa and Zoya
"Is Your Supernatural Man Abusive?" by Lex
“Is Your Supernatural Man Abusive?
Take this Quick Quiz and see!
1) Is he the jealous type? The threaten-to-kill-your-guy-friends type?
2) Does he take the engine out of your car so you can’t leave him?
3) Does he insist on driving, or carrying you even when you have your own legs?
4) Has he broken into your house to watch you sleep?
5) Is he really hot, but guilt trips you for wanting to sex him up?
6) Has he ever kidnapped or imprisoned you?
7) Does he often disappear without explanation?
8) Does he try to plan your life against your wishes? (filling out college forms, when you just want to become undead and jump his bones?)
9) Is his mind-reading sister instructed to obsessively check your future whereabouts?
10) Does his holographic floating head get mad when you ride motorbikes and jump of cliffs?
11) Does he do all this “because he loves you”?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be Bella Swan. In which case, your “perfect” vampire boyfriend is definitely abusive.
Take this Quick Quiz and see!
1) Is he the jealous type? The threaten-to-kill-your-guy-friends type?
2) Does he take the engine out of your car so you can’t leave him?
3) Does he insist on driving, or carrying you even when you have your own legs?
4) Has he broken into your house to watch you sleep?
5) Is he really hot, but guilt trips you for wanting to sex him up?
6) Has he ever kidnapped or imprisoned you?
7) Does he often disappear without explanation?
8) Does he try to plan your life against your wishes? (filling out college forms, when you just want to become undead and jump his bones?)
9) Is his mind-reading sister instructed to obsessively check your future whereabouts?
10) Does his holographic floating head get mad when you ride motorbikes and jump of cliffs?
11) Does he do all this “because he loves you”?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be Bella Swan. In which case, your “perfect” vampire boyfriend is definitely abusive.
"Film Review: Twilight" by Melissa
Movie Review: Twilight
Perhaps I expect too much from supernatural coming-of-age tales. I’ve been spoiled. ‘Buffy’ gave me strong female characters, witty banter, and true emotion. ‘Harry Potter’ gave me dead language references, a plethora hilariously-named characters, and Ron Weasley (for which I will be forever thankful). ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ gave me a talking cat with worse lip-syncing than Mr Ed. Ah, that crazy cat Salem. Always getting up to such wacky hijinks.
So maybe I went into Twilight – the first film based on the books by Stephanie Myer – with expectations that were far too high. I mean, it was always going to be bad, but I did expect there to be some chemistry between the two romantic leads. After all, this series made its name by making abstinence look sexy. What I didn’t expect was for the audience to laugh through all the romantic dialogue. (Actually, in some ways, this was quite a pleasant surprise. What a feeling of camaraderie!) The main character of Twilight is (ostensibly) Bella Swan, who moves to the cold and rainy town of Forks to live with her father. Bella is… um… clumsy. That’s just about the only personality trait I can remember from two hours of viewing. She’s not so much a lead, as completely leaden. Of course, this is partly the point of Bella. Her lack of personality is intentional, as she exists primarily to be an empty vessel so that teenage girls can live vicariously through her. … But it’s still disappointing.
On her first day at her new school, she meets Edward Cullen, a pale and extremely attractive peer. He belongs to an adopted family of equally pale and attractive folk. When he sees/smells her the first time in class, he has some sort of fit, and proceeds to retch into his hand for the rest of the lesson. Ah, to be young and in love. The two characters strike up a friendship of sorts, they awkwardly twitch around each other a bit, he saves her from being hit by a truck, she figures out he’s a vampire, he sparkles in the sunlight and freaks out about his extreme hotness, they proceed to date. As you do. Oh, yeah, and there are some bad vampires and also a plot, kind of.
I wasn’t particularly fond of the script for this film (perhaps unsurprising, written as it was by Melissa Rosenberg, who wrote dance-flick ‘Step Up’, and being based on the series of books that it is), but the acting from Kristen Stewart (as Bella Swan) and Robert Pattinson (as Edward) just make an already bad situation worse. She’s twitchy, and he just can’t brood convincingly. When they’re allowed to smile I felt my icy heart thawing, but unfortunately most of the time they look like they’ve been beaten with the unhappy stick. Or their family has been beaten to death. Why so sullen, Edward Cullen?
My main problem, however, is that this film is going to be viewed by thousands of teenage girls, all of whom are presumably supposed to aspire to the type of undying, un-dead love depicted. It’s not that I don’t think a vampire would make a suitable life partner (because, hello, Angel and Spike), but the relationship here… Bella falls in love with Edward within a matter of days, declares her eternal love, and quickly decides to devote her entire life to him. She puts up with his hot and cold attitude, his moodiness, and just general bitchiness. She’s apparently okay with the fact that their love is based on her appearance and the WAY SHE SMELLS, as opposed to her personality. She doesn’t mind that he secretly follows her around when she goes for a shopping expedition with her friends, and sneaks into her room at night to watch her sleep. Not to mention that she shouldn’t try and kiss her him, or “tempt” him in any way, because otherwise he might lose control. Bad Bella, you should know better. You can’t flaunt your sexuality in front of guys (er, I mean, vampires), because they can’t be held responsible for their actions? They can’t be expected to exercise self-control. New York Entertainment put it best: “It really drives home the book’s overarching message of the dangers of female sexuality when we actually see flushed temptress Bella, late at night in her bedroom, forcing herself upon Edward and the poor innocent vampire flinging himself against a wall to keep himself in check.”
That said, the film does have some redeeming qualities. I was really quite enamored of the cinematography, and now wish I lived in a world where everything was covered in a blue-green film, and with really pretty diffused light. And, okay, I was totally into the fairy-light prom scene. Giant mansions with nice floorboards and twinkling gazebos rock my socks. The costuming was also quite awesome, what with the pretty matching-the-scenery colour scheme. Also: Manic-pixie-girl-vampire Alice is totally badass, and jumps on the bad vampire’s back and BREAKS HIS NECK. Mostly, however, the film is to be admired because it – in some ways – improves on the book.
While the film makes Bella’s sudden infatuation with Edward seem even more ridiculous – because we aren’t privy to her thoughts and feelings, only her twitchy physical reaction – it does cut out many of the trite and completely overblown scenes from the book. Lines such as “you’re intoxicated by my very presence” are thankfully gone. Bella’s new friends at Forks are also way cooler. In the book they are all insufferable and boring – either completely shallow or personality-less – whereas in the film the nerd chick wears cool glasses and the shallow girl is semi-sweet. There are even some jokes about immortality! Not just depressing romance! The Cullen’s household features an artwork made up of the many graduation caps the “teenagers” of the family have accumulated over the years, from different high schools. In terms of plot and pacing, the evil vampires are also set up earlier in the film, instead of suddenly appearing out of nowhere towards the end of the book.
The best: There’s also a really cool baseball scene, where the characters wear old-timey uniforms, and kick hilariously in the air as they pitch. Awesome!
And yeah, okay, the cast is mind-blowingly attractive.
But I’m trying not to let myself forget how bad this film actually was. The acting was, for the most part, almost unwatchable. And as hilarious as the just-staring-at-each-other, not-sex-scenes-at-all scenes were, and regardless of the pretty scenery – it’s still basically putting the feminist movement back about 20 years, and pushing the teen-movie movement to ever-lower lows. We’ll just have to wait until the next film, “New Moon”, to see whether the franchise can possibly sink any lower.
Perhaps I expect too much from supernatural coming-of-age tales. I’ve been spoiled. ‘Buffy’ gave me strong female characters, witty banter, and true emotion. ‘Harry Potter’ gave me dead language references, a plethora hilariously-named characters, and Ron Weasley (for which I will be forever thankful). ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ gave me a talking cat with worse lip-syncing than Mr Ed. Ah, that crazy cat Salem. Always getting up to such wacky hijinks.
So maybe I went into Twilight – the first film based on the books by Stephanie Myer – with expectations that were far too high. I mean, it was always going to be bad, but I did expect there to be some chemistry between the two romantic leads. After all, this series made its name by making abstinence look sexy. What I didn’t expect was for the audience to laugh through all the romantic dialogue. (Actually, in some ways, this was quite a pleasant surprise. What a feeling of camaraderie!) The main character of Twilight is (ostensibly) Bella Swan, who moves to the cold and rainy town of Forks to live with her father. Bella is… um… clumsy. That’s just about the only personality trait I can remember from two hours of viewing. She’s not so much a lead, as completely leaden. Of course, this is partly the point of Bella. Her lack of personality is intentional, as she exists primarily to be an empty vessel so that teenage girls can live vicariously through her. … But it’s still disappointing.
On her first day at her new school, she meets Edward Cullen, a pale and extremely attractive peer. He belongs to an adopted family of equally pale and attractive folk. When he sees/smells her the first time in class, he has some sort of fit, and proceeds to retch into his hand for the rest of the lesson. Ah, to be young and in love. The two characters strike up a friendship of sorts, they awkwardly twitch around each other a bit, he saves her from being hit by a truck, she figures out he’s a vampire, he sparkles in the sunlight and freaks out about his extreme hotness, they proceed to date. As you do. Oh, yeah, and there are some bad vampires and also a plot, kind of.
I wasn’t particularly fond of the script for this film (perhaps unsurprising, written as it was by Melissa Rosenberg, who wrote dance-flick ‘Step Up’, and being based on the series of books that it is), but the acting from Kristen Stewart (as Bella Swan) and Robert Pattinson (as Edward) just make an already bad situation worse. She’s twitchy, and he just can’t brood convincingly. When they’re allowed to smile I felt my icy heart thawing, but unfortunately most of the time they look like they’ve been beaten with the unhappy stick. Or their family has been beaten to death. Why so sullen, Edward Cullen?
My main problem, however, is that this film is going to be viewed by thousands of teenage girls, all of whom are presumably supposed to aspire to the type of undying, un-dead love depicted. It’s not that I don’t think a vampire would make a suitable life partner (because, hello, Angel and Spike), but the relationship here… Bella falls in love with Edward within a matter of days, declares her eternal love, and quickly decides to devote her entire life to him. She puts up with his hot and cold attitude, his moodiness, and just general bitchiness. She’s apparently okay with the fact that their love is based on her appearance and the WAY SHE SMELLS, as opposed to her personality. She doesn’t mind that he secretly follows her around when she goes for a shopping expedition with her friends, and sneaks into her room at night to watch her sleep. Not to mention that she shouldn’t try and kiss her him, or “tempt” him in any way, because otherwise he might lose control. Bad Bella, you should know better. You can’t flaunt your sexuality in front of guys (er, I mean, vampires), because they can’t be held responsible for their actions? They can’t be expected to exercise self-control. New York Entertainment put it best: “It really drives home the book’s overarching message of the dangers of female sexuality when we actually see flushed temptress Bella, late at night in her bedroom, forcing herself upon Edward and the poor innocent vampire flinging himself against a wall to keep himself in check.”
That said, the film does have some redeeming qualities. I was really quite enamored of the cinematography, and now wish I lived in a world where everything was covered in a blue-green film, and with really pretty diffused light. And, okay, I was totally into the fairy-light prom scene. Giant mansions with nice floorboards and twinkling gazebos rock my socks. The costuming was also quite awesome, what with the pretty matching-the-scenery colour scheme. Also: Manic-pixie-girl-vampire Alice is totally badass, and jumps on the bad vampire’s back and BREAKS HIS NECK. Mostly, however, the film is to be admired because it – in some ways – improves on the book.
While the film makes Bella’s sudden infatuation with Edward seem even more ridiculous – because we aren’t privy to her thoughts and feelings, only her twitchy physical reaction – it does cut out many of the trite and completely overblown scenes from the book. Lines such as “you’re intoxicated by my very presence” are thankfully gone. Bella’s new friends at Forks are also way cooler. In the book they are all insufferable and boring – either completely shallow or personality-less – whereas in the film the nerd chick wears cool glasses and the shallow girl is semi-sweet. There are even some jokes about immortality! Not just depressing romance! The Cullen’s household features an artwork made up of the many graduation caps the “teenagers” of the family have accumulated over the years, from different high schools. In terms of plot and pacing, the evil vampires are also set up earlier in the film, instead of suddenly appearing out of nowhere towards the end of the book.
The best: There’s also a really cool baseball scene, where the characters wear old-timey uniforms, and kick hilariously in the air as they pitch. Awesome!
And yeah, okay, the cast is mind-blowingly attractive.
But I’m trying not to let myself forget how bad this film actually was. The acting was, for the most part, almost unwatchable. And as hilarious as the just-staring-at-each-other, not-sex-scenes-at-all scenes were, and regardless of the pretty scenery – it’s still basically putting the feminist movement back about 20 years, and pushing the teen-movie movement to ever-lower lows. We’ll just have to wait until the next film, “New Moon”, to see whether the franchise can possibly sink any lower.
"Film Review: New Moon" by Melissa
Movie Review: New Moon:
Let’s just cut to the quick, shall we? Straight to bare bones of the situation? New Moon is a lifeless film.
For those who have been buried under a rock (perhaps a gravestone) for the past year or so, New Moon is the second filmic instalment in Stephanie Meyer’s hugely successful Twilight book series.
New Moon picks up where its predecessor left off: following the tragic, ‘true love’ romance between Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). Bella is just your typical 17 year old, and Edward will be 17 forever. In the film, Edward realises that dating an un-dead dude might not be the best thing for Bella’s future, and so he dumps her. She proceeds to sink into a deep depression for a number of months, only to be roused to life, by her best-friend Jacob Black, who happens to be unrequitedly in love with her. Oh, and he’s also a werewolf. Throw in a last minute plot line where Bella has to save Edward’s life, and you’ve got yourself a typical love-triangle romantic comedy (or tragedy).
While Catherine Hardwick brought the last film to the big screen, this time Chris Weitz – of The Golden Compass fame, also a book adaptation – mans the helm. Though, it must be said, he steers without as sure a hand as one might hope, for a production of this size. Although New Moon was filmed in a rush, so that it could be released this year, when lines fall so flat that members of the audience laugh, and grammatically incorrect slip-ups are common, it seems that maybe re-shooting a few sequences would not have gone awry.
Still shocking – as in the first film – is the script, written by Melissa Rosenberg. Rosenberg wrote the script for the first Twilight film, and Step Up. I don’t even want to go into it. Oh, yeah, and none of the actors can act. Well, some of them can. Taylor Lautner has a great sense of timing, and quite an intense sexual gaze – and by that I mean, SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD gaze. He is too young to be getting his shirt off that frequently. Unfortunately, he can’t quite handle some of the more intense dramatic scenes. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are both as uncharismatic as ever – odd, considering I quite like them both in other roles. They twitch and mumble their way through every scene, and despite the fact that they are both very attractive people in the real world, in this retarded-vampire-world they both look as if they are constipated and/or heroin addicts at all times. I’m beginning to think that they themselves hate the Twilight series, and by acting badly are hoping that the franchise will be killed off.
The art direction is also laughable. I am, of course, referring to ghostly-apparition-Edward, who appears sporadically throughout the film to warm Bella off doing anything ‘reckless’. Partially, I was annoyed that her un-dead boyfriend was still trying to control her every action, from the other side of the world. But more importantly, he just looked really, really funny. An intense floating head that disappeared into smoke. I don’t know who decided having ghost-Edward appear to Bella would be better than having Bella hearing voices (as she did in the novel), but it was not better. It was worse. Also, speaking of style, Edward’s “liquid topaz” eyes always seemed like they were looking in two different directions. Though whether this was the fault of contact lenses, or just how Pattinson looks, is not clear.
There are scenes in the film that also just don’t make any sense (presumably they also didn’t make any sense in the novel). Why, for the love of vampire mythology, does Edward lead Bella deep into the woods, before breaking up with her? Just to freak her out? Why, when Bella is carried out of the forest by a half-naked man (werewolf character Sam Uley), after she has disappeared for an entire evening, does nobody question this man and suspect nefarious activities? He could have abused her in the dark woods, for goodness sake! Why does Edward melodramatically crush a phone with one hand when he thinks Bella is dead (laaame)? Why, oh why, does Bella fill… her… emails to Alice… with so many stupid… ellipses…?
Although it’s hardly surprising, New Moon is just as essentially anti-feminist as its predecessor. A vehicle for Meyer’s Mormon beliefs, abstinence is still sexy, and Bella’s sole personality traits still consist of her loving Edward unconditionally and cooking dinner for her father. In New Moon, it is perfectly acceptable that when her boyfriend breaks up with her, Bella gives up on life. And in fact, is only able to carry on with her painful existence when another male enters her life, in the shape of best-friend Jacob. She’s such an independent woman.
Casual sexism is still rife. For example, neither Jacob nor Edward allows Bella to drive her own car. Because, haven’t you heard, women are just bad at driving. It’s biological. Another example can be seen when Jacob and Bella are fixing up two motorcycles. Bella doesn’t attempt to lift the bikes, she never attempts to help fix them, and in one scene where she points out something on the engine, Jacob swats her hand away, with a roll of the eyes. The audience laughs. Bella’s role through this bonding period is to call for pizza (and provide food for her man). Bella also objectifies herself, saying that after the trauma of her and Edward’s teen break-up, she’s “never going to run right.” Like she’s a car. Like she’s a possession, and nobody could ever want a possession that wasn’t perfect.
In general, the film also still supports that ‘undying teenage love of the un-dead’ thing. Quote from Edward: “You’re my only reason for being alive, if that’s what I am.” Oh my god, get a hobby. Learn how to knit. This sentiment is perhaps acceptable from Edward – he’s been alive for 100 odd years, and is probably getting a little bored – but Bella feels this way, too. She’s a young pretty girl, with her entire life ahead of her! She should be playing the field, and having girly sleepovers with her friends, and swooning over hot boys in films (like girls of this generation are with Edward and Jacob). Instead, New Moon encourages the kind of obsessive love that can be incredibly damaging for a person. When pasting photos of Edward and herself into a scrapbook, Bella folds a photo over, and cuts herself out of it. She then sticks the photo – now of just Edward – into her scrapbook. Please, stop with the self-hatred, Bella! I mean, you’re character is annoying, but you seem like a nice girl. And later in the film, Bella is literally willing to die for her ex-boyfriend.
When Edward breaks up with Bella, she stops living. She doesn’t sit with her friends at lunch anymore, she rarely leaves the house, she says things like “The pain is the only reminder that he was real…” Dangerously, the film essentially encourages self-harm as a way of winning your boyfriend back. She starts placing herself in really dangerous situations (such as riding on a motorcycle with a drunk middle-aged man she doesn’t know, whose crowd of friends attempted to assault her in the previous film) so that she can see apparition-Edward. Towards the end of the film, she jumps off a cliff, telling ghost-Edward “This is the only way I can be with you.” While she later claims that she wasn’t trying to commit suicide – and was cliff-jumping recreationally – her actions and words suggest otherwise.
Although the whole ‘rabidly sexist and anti-feminist’ thing was apparent in the first film/book in the series, New Moon introduces a whole new range of exciting flaws, through the introduction of werewolves. For one thing, it totally normalises cults. The initiation rites, the wariness of outsiders, the fact that the werewolves are bound to follow the word of their leader – it all smacks of Scientology. (Okay, that’s not fair. Werewolves are clearly cooler than Scientologists.) But while this is all obviously creepy, in the film it’s fun. Oh, look, they have a house out in the woods, and a woman to bake them muffins whenever they feel like it! And they can read each other’s thoughts! And they’re all BFFs! Yay, go cults!
Not to mention the fact that the werewolves seem to sympathise with men who use violence against woman (Australia says ‘no’). It is revealed that in the past, werewolf leader Sam Uley got angry at his fiancé, Emily, and transformed into a werewolf. But she was standing too close – because it’s her fault – and was horribly scarred for life. Metaphor, much. The message of the film is essentially, “Poor Sam has to live with what he’s done forever. Poor, poor werewolf. Oh, and his fiancé is just such a lovely lady, because she’s still with him even after he brutally attacked her. That’s what a woman should be like.” Um… what? What about poor, poor Emily? What about the fact that men should be able to control themselves and not physically hurt others? Just as woman should, just as any member of modern society should.
And just so I can’t be accused of being a vampire-ist, there are a few redeeming features of this film. The cinematography is excellent, utilising the lush forested landscapes with grand aerial shots. I know nothing about what makes an action sequence technically adept, but I thought the few fight scenes in New Moon were interesting to watch and nicely stylised, if a little slow-motion heavy. And I will concede that the majority of the cast are blessed in the looks department, if not with the acting bone. But beautiful boys does not a good film make.
New Moon will satisfy the blood lust of hardcore Twilight fans. But for the rest of us, you may leave the cinema feeling a little dead inside.
Let’s just cut to the quick, shall we? Straight to bare bones of the situation? New Moon is a lifeless film.
For those who have been buried under a rock (perhaps a gravestone) for the past year or so, New Moon is the second filmic instalment in Stephanie Meyer’s hugely successful Twilight book series.
New Moon picks up where its predecessor left off: following the tragic, ‘true love’ romance between Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). Bella is just your typical 17 year old, and Edward will be 17 forever. In the film, Edward realises that dating an un-dead dude might not be the best thing for Bella’s future, and so he dumps her. She proceeds to sink into a deep depression for a number of months, only to be roused to life, by her best-friend Jacob Black, who happens to be unrequitedly in love with her. Oh, and he’s also a werewolf. Throw in a last minute plot line where Bella has to save Edward’s life, and you’ve got yourself a typical love-triangle romantic comedy (or tragedy).
While Catherine Hardwick brought the last film to the big screen, this time Chris Weitz – of The Golden Compass fame, also a book adaptation – mans the helm. Though, it must be said, he steers without as sure a hand as one might hope, for a production of this size. Although New Moon was filmed in a rush, so that it could be released this year, when lines fall so flat that members of the audience laugh, and grammatically incorrect slip-ups are common, it seems that maybe re-shooting a few sequences would not have gone awry.
Still shocking – as in the first film – is the script, written by Melissa Rosenberg. Rosenberg wrote the script for the first Twilight film, and Step Up. I don’t even want to go into it. Oh, yeah, and none of the actors can act. Well, some of them can. Taylor Lautner has a great sense of timing, and quite an intense sexual gaze – and by that I mean, SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD gaze. He is too young to be getting his shirt off that frequently. Unfortunately, he can’t quite handle some of the more intense dramatic scenes. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are both as uncharismatic as ever – odd, considering I quite like them both in other roles. They twitch and mumble their way through every scene, and despite the fact that they are both very attractive people in the real world, in this retarded-vampire-world they both look as if they are constipated and/or heroin addicts at all times. I’m beginning to think that they themselves hate the Twilight series, and by acting badly are hoping that the franchise will be killed off.
The art direction is also laughable. I am, of course, referring to ghostly-apparition-Edward, who appears sporadically throughout the film to warm Bella off doing anything ‘reckless’. Partially, I was annoyed that her un-dead boyfriend was still trying to control her every action, from the other side of the world. But more importantly, he just looked really, really funny. An intense floating head that disappeared into smoke. I don’t know who decided having ghost-Edward appear to Bella would be better than having Bella hearing voices (as she did in the novel), but it was not better. It was worse. Also, speaking of style, Edward’s “liquid topaz” eyes always seemed like they were looking in two different directions. Though whether this was the fault of contact lenses, or just how Pattinson looks, is not clear.
There are scenes in the film that also just don’t make any sense (presumably they also didn’t make any sense in the novel). Why, for the love of vampire mythology, does Edward lead Bella deep into the woods, before breaking up with her? Just to freak her out? Why, when Bella is carried out of the forest by a half-naked man (werewolf character Sam Uley), after she has disappeared for an entire evening, does nobody question this man and suspect nefarious activities? He could have abused her in the dark woods, for goodness sake! Why does Edward melodramatically crush a phone with one hand when he thinks Bella is dead (laaame)? Why, oh why, does Bella fill… her… emails to Alice… with so many stupid… ellipses…?
Although it’s hardly surprising, New Moon is just as essentially anti-feminist as its predecessor. A vehicle for Meyer’s Mormon beliefs, abstinence is still sexy, and Bella’s sole personality traits still consist of her loving Edward unconditionally and cooking dinner for her father. In New Moon, it is perfectly acceptable that when her boyfriend breaks up with her, Bella gives up on life. And in fact, is only able to carry on with her painful existence when another male enters her life, in the shape of best-friend Jacob. She’s such an independent woman.
Casual sexism is still rife. For example, neither Jacob nor Edward allows Bella to drive her own car. Because, haven’t you heard, women are just bad at driving. It’s biological. Another example can be seen when Jacob and Bella are fixing up two motorcycles. Bella doesn’t attempt to lift the bikes, she never attempts to help fix them, and in one scene where she points out something on the engine, Jacob swats her hand away, with a roll of the eyes. The audience laughs. Bella’s role through this bonding period is to call for pizza (and provide food for her man). Bella also objectifies herself, saying that after the trauma of her and Edward’s teen break-up, she’s “never going to run right.” Like she’s a car. Like she’s a possession, and nobody could ever want a possession that wasn’t perfect.
In general, the film also still supports that ‘undying teenage love of the un-dead’ thing. Quote from Edward: “You’re my only reason for being alive, if that’s what I am.” Oh my god, get a hobby. Learn how to knit. This sentiment is perhaps acceptable from Edward – he’s been alive for 100 odd years, and is probably getting a little bored – but Bella feels this way, too. She’s a young pretty girl, with her entire life ahead of her! She should be playing the field, and having girly sleepovers with her friends, and swooning over hot boys in films (like girls of this generation are with Edward and Jacob). Instead, New Moon encourages the kind of obsessive love that can be incredibly damaging for a person. When pasting photos of Edward and herself into a scrapbook, Bella folds a photo over, and cuts herself out of it. She then sticks the photo – now of just Edward – into her scrapbook. Please, stop with the self-hatred, Bella! I mean, you’re character is annoying, but you seem like a nice girl. And later in the film, Bella is literally willing to die for her ex-boyfriend.
When Edward breaks up with Bella, she stops living. She doesn’t sit with her friends at lunch anymore, she rarely leaves the house, she says things like “The pain is the only reminder that he was real…” Dangerously, the film essentially encourages self-harm as a way of winning your boyfriend back. She starts placing herself in really dangerous situations (such as riding on a motorcycle with a drunk middle-aged man she doesn’t know, whose crowd of friends attempted to assault her in the previous film) so that she can see apparition-Edward. Towards the end of the film, she jumps off a cliff, telling ghost-Edward “This is the only way I can be with you.” While she later claims that she wasn’t trying to commit suicide – and was cliff-jumping recreationally – her actions and words suggest otherwise.
Although the whole ‘rabidly sexist and anti-feminist’ thing was apparent in the first film/book in the series, New Moon introduces a whole new range of exciting flaws, through the introduction of werewolves. For one thing, it totally normalises cults. The initiation rites, the wariness of outsiders, the fact that the werewolves are bound to follow the word of their leader – it all smacks of Scientology. (Okay, that’s not fair. Werewolves are clearly cooler than Scientologists.) But while this is all obviously creepy, in the film it’s fun. Oh, look, they have a house out in the woods, and a woman to bake them muffins whenever they feel like it! And they can read each other’s thoughts! And they’re all BFFs! Yay, go cults!
Not to mention the fact that the werewolves seem to sympathise with men who use violence against woman (Australia says ‘no’). It is revealed that in the past, werewolf leader Sam Uley got angry at his fiancé, Emily, and transformed into a werewolf. But she was standing too close – because it’s her fault – and was horribly scarred for life. Metaphor, much. The message of the film is essentially, “Poor Sam has to live with what he’s done forever. Poor, poor werewolf. Oh, and his fiancé is just such a lovely lady, because she’s still with him even after he brutally attacked her. That’s what a woman should be like.” Um… what? What about poor, poor Emily? What about the fact that men should be able to control themselves and not physically hurt others? Just as woman should, just as any member of modern society should.
And just so I can’t be accused of being a vampire-ist, there are a few redeeming features of this film. The cinematography is excellent, utilising the lush forested landscapes with grand aerial shots. I know nothing about what makes an action sequence technically adept, but I thought the few fight scenes in New Moon were interesting to watch and nicely stylised, if a little slow-motion heavy. And I will concede that the majority of the cast are blessed in the looks department, if not with the acting bone. But beautiful boys does not a good film make.
New Moon will satisfy the blood lust of hardcore Twilight fans. But for the rest of us, you may leave the cinema feeling a little dead inside.
"A brief history of the Cullen family" by Lex and Melissa
A brief history of the Cullen family
(or, why the secondary characters suck)
Rosalie
Wow, a bitchy female character, who’d have thunk it? Like Esme, Rosalie reminds us that the most cherished precious desire of every woman is to be a baby-maker. Oh, and her only other personality trait is being really, really ridiculously good-looking.
Alice
Alice, arguably the most feminist (read: self-respecting) female character, has an abusive and submissive past. Now as a kick-ass vampire, she cares about nothing more than helping her tortured boyfriend Jasper control his blood-lust, and shopping.
Esme
Typically tragically baby-crazy, Esme wants an infant more than anything. But she can’t produce her own - because she’s a certified member of the youth and beauty brigade. She’s a failed woman because of it. Aside from this, looking classically gorgeous, and a hint of jealousy when all the forks female nurses flirt with her inappropriately hot husband, Esme has no defining features.
Jasper
The most interesting character in the franchise, and we get barely any screen/page time with him. Fail, Stephanie Meyer, fail.
Carlisle
So much inappropriate sexual tension with Bella! That’s all I’m saying.
Emmett
Typical jock with a heart of gold. If all of Meyer’s female characters are anti-feminist, then all of her male characters are just so stereotypical it hurts. Why even bother talking about them?
Leah
Not a Cullen, but arguably the most tragically sabotaged character in the series. As the only female werewolf, her existence should be a chance for Meyer to create a kick-ass, powerful, a-typical woman. But instead, Meyer portrays the betrayed Leah as a ‘whiny’, ‘annoying’ ‘harpy’, hated and rejected by her brothers. You go grrl!
(or, why the secondary characters suck)
Rosalie
Wow, a bitchy female character, who’d have thunk it? Like Esme, Rosalie reminds us that the most cherished precious desire of every woman is to be a baby-maker. Oh, and her only other personality trait is being really, really ridiculously good-looking.
Alice
Alice, arguably the most feminist (read: self-respecting) female character, has an abusive and submissive past. Now as a kick-ass vampire, she cares about nothing more than helping her tortured boyfriend Jasper control his blood-lust, and shopping.
Esme
Typically tragically baby-crazy, Esme wants an infant more than anything. But she can’t produce her own - because she’s a certified member of the youth and beauty brigade. She’s a failed woman because of it. Aside from this, looking classically gorgeous, and a hint of jealousy when all the forks female nurses flirt with her inappropriately hot husband, Esme has no defining features.
Jasper
The most interesting character in the franchise, and we get barely any screen/page time with him. Fail, Stephanie Meyer, fail.
Carlisle
So much inappropriate sexual tension with Bella! That’s all I’m saying.
Emmett
Typical jock with a heart of gold. If all of Meyer’s female characters are anti-feminist, then all of her male characters are just so stereotypical it hurts. Why even bother talking about them?
Leah
Not a Cullen, but arguably the most tragically sabotaged character in the series. As the only female werewolf, her existence should be a chance for Meyer to create a kick-ass, powerful, a-typical woman. But instead, Meyer portrays the betrayed Leah as a ‘whiny’, ‘annoying’ ‘harpy’, hated and rejected by her brothers. You go grrl!
"Best Twilight-Related Facebook Comments" by Zoya
Best Twilight-Related Facebook comments:
We all know that the most extreme expressions of obsession are found on the internet, so it came as no surprise when I found over 500 Edward Cullen related facebook groups. And my, how hilarious were the discussion boards!
From the group 'Because of Edward Cullen, human boys have lost their charm':
Discussion thread: 'How can guys like me compete with VAMPIRES????'
"oh i think they could...i know someone who is the human version of edward...its creppy he even looks like him! O_O"
Ok, seriously, she must mean ‘looks like Robert Pattinson,’ right? Because Edward IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, meaning he is IN YOUR HEAD, meaning HE LOOKS DIFFERENT DEPENDING ON WHAT KIND OF HEAD YOU POSSESS. Geez.
"Men nowadays aren't anywhere near as chivalrous (did I spell that right?) as Edward is. It would be nice to have a door held open!! Although I guess we kind of did it to ourselves with the whole "treat us as equals" stuff LOL"
Ah, yes. Feminism. LOL. How dare women ask to be treated as equals? Now no one will hold doors open for us! And Edward is just so chivalrous, what with the way he controls Bella, and kidnaps her on occasion, and dumps her for no reason, and blames her when he hurts her during sex. If only I could find a romantic guy like that!
From the group 'Forget Prince Charming - I'm Waiting For My EDWARD CULLEN':
Discussion thread: 'Is Edward Cullen hotter than Joe Jonas?'
"CHYAAA DUDEE. I MEAN REALLY. EDWARD CULLEN IS SEXIER IN ALL WAYS. AND THE THERES JOE JONAS. EWWW. HE AINT GOT NUTTIN ON EDWARD. IN FACE, HE'S THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
"That's hard. I'm a huge Jonas Brothers fan, I love all three of them, including Joe. I hate Taylor Swift, she's a snob, so I don't care that Joe broke up with her on the phone. But, it's hard to choose between Edward and Joe. They both sing-very well. They're both insanely good-looking. They both write romantic songs. BUT they both would break up with girls rather harshly and not speak to them again for a long time. I'd have to say Edward. BUT I love you too Joe!!!!!!"
"HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK?? girl.. it's OVIOUS!!!
EDWARD CULLEN is WAY HOTTER than freakin joe jonas!!!!
come on!! you can't even compare them cuz joe would end up as a poop!"
Yeah. As if we needed any further indication that Twilight fans suffer from poor judgment - apparently they're all Jonas Brothers' fans as well. 'Nuff said.
From the group 'I am absolutely in love with Edward Cullen and the Twilight Series':
Discussion thread 'Twilight sucks.... you guys are all blind':
(Initial post)
"Twilight is the WORST BOOK SERIES EVER!!!!!!!!!! Its badly written, has a stupid plot and is made for tween girls who have nothing better to do with their lives then to swoon over edward cullen. If you want to actually read a good book then i suggest the Harry Potter series."
(Responses)
"no one asked u"
"u are just Stupid....If you havent got anything better to do with your time than Diss Edward and Twilight then whats the point ?...just join a harry potter group! and you havent got the power to stop twilight....ok? get the message.?"
"Why dont we all be friends huh yah ok lets be friend"
"Harry Potter? Honey, get a life...
why dont you just shut up and get the hell outta this group
Are you DUMB OR SOMETHING?????
Oh, Yeah, you read HARRY POTTER
Come back here when you have a life."
"STOP THIS JUST GO MAKE UR OWN SITE U JUST GOT NOTHIN BETTER 2 DO GO READ UR BELOVED HARRY POTTER BOOKS I LOVE TWILIGHT AND NOTHIN GOIN TO CHANGE THAT JUST STOP AND MAKE UR OWN GROUP BTW I HATE HARRYPOTTER IT MAKES DOG MESSYS AWSOME THATS HOW BAD IT IS."
*
LOL. Seriously. Just LOL.
We all know that the most extreme expressions of obsession are found on the internet, so it came as no surprise when I found over 500 Edward Cullen related facebook groups. And my, how hilarious were the discussion boards!
From the group 'Because of Edward Cullen, human boys have lost their charm':
Discussion thread: 'How can guys like me compete with VAMPIRES????'
"oh i think they could...i know someone who is the human version of edward...its creppy he even looks like him! O_O"
Ok, seriously, she must mean ‘looks like Robert Pattinson,’ right? Because Edward IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, meaning he is IN YOUR HEAD, meaning HE LOOKS DIFFERENT DEPENDING ON WHAT KIND OF HEAD YOU POSSESS. Geez.
"Men nowadays aren't anywhere near as chivalrous (did I spell that right?) as Edward is. It would be nice to have a door held open!! Although I guess we kind of did it to ourselves with the whole "treat us as equals" stuff LOL"
Ah, yes. Feminism. LOL. How dare women ask to be treated as equals? Now no one will hold doors open for us! And Edward is just so chivalrous, what with the way he controls Bella, and kidnaps her on occasion, and dumps her for no reason, and blames her when he hurts her during sex. If only I could find a romantic guy like that!
From the group 'Forget Prince Charming - I'm Waiting For My EDWARD CULLEN':
Discussion thread: 'Is Edward Cullen hotter than Joe Jonas?'
"CHYAAA DUDEE. I MEAN REALLY. EDWARD CULLEN IS SEXIER IN ALL WAYS. AND THE THERES JOE JONAS. EWWW. HE AINT GOT NUTTIN ON EDWARD. IN FACE, HE'S THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
"That's hard. I'm a huge Jonas Brothers fan, I love all three of them, including Joe. I hate Taylor Swift, she's a snob, so I don't care that Joe broke up with her on the phone. But, it's hard to choose between Edward and Joe. They both sing-very well. They're both insanely good-looking. They both write romantic songs. BUT they both would break up with girls rather harshly and not speak to them again for a long time. I'd have to say Edward. BUT I love you too Joe!!!!!!"
"HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK?? girl.. it's OVIOUS!!!
EDWARD CULLEN is WAY HOTTER than freakin joe jonas!!!!
come on!! you can't even compare them cuz joe would end up as a poop!"
Yeah. As if we needed any further indication that Twilight fans suffer from poor judgment - apparently they're all Jonas Brothers' fans as well. 'Nuff said.
From the group 'I am absolutely in love with Edward Cullen and the Twilight Series':
Discussion thread 'Twilight sucks.... you guys are all blind':
(Initial post)
"Twilight is the WORST BOOK SERIES EVER!!!!!!!!!! Its badly written, has a stupid plot and is made for tween girls who have nothing better to do with their lives then to swoon over edward cullen. If you want to actually read a good book then i suggest the Harry Potter series."
(Responses)
"no one asked u"
"u are just Stupid....If you havent got anything better to do with your time than Diss Edward and Twilight then whats the point ?...just join a harry potter group! and you havent got the power to stop twilight....ok? get the message.?"
"Why dont we all be friends huh yah ok lets be friend"
"Harry Potter? Honey, get a life...
why dont you just shut up and get the hell outta this group
Are you DUMB OR SOMETHING?????
Oh, Yeah, you read HARRY POTTER
Come back here when you have a life."
"STOP THIS JUST GO MAKE UR OWN SITE U JUST GOT NOTHIN BETTER 2 DO GO READ UR BELOVED HARRY POTTER BOOKS I LOVE TWILIGHT AND NOTHIN GOIN TO CHANGE THAT JUST STOP AND MAKE UR OWN GROUP BTW I HATE HARRYPOTTER IT MAKES DOG MESSYS AWSOME THATS HOW BAD IT IS."
*
LOL. Seriously. Just LOL.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)